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9.8 meters per second squared

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- put your faith in me -

All good things... [08 Apr 2004|01:53pm]
ATTENTION VISITORS: As the former moderator and maintainer of Faith in Gravity, it is with deepest regret that I inform you that the game has come to a close. It was a privilege and a pleasure to be a part of it. Former members of faithingravity can be found at inryoku, pr3dilection, and g_o_l. Lists of members can be found in those respective communities or by perusing their websites. Thank you to everyone who loved and supported FiG.

On a more personal note, though I have always enjoyed playing Yuki Eiri and would relish the chance to continue, I have not been able to find another Gravitation RPG that meets my needs. I am flattered by and grateful to those moderators who have asked me to participate in their games, but none have seemed like quite the right fit for my particular style. Therefore, until such time as an appropriate position arises, I have retired from Gravitation roleplaying. Thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed Yuki Eiri in FiG.

This is transrelativity, signing off.

- put your faith in me -

Take off to the Sky [17 Oct 2003|05:22pm]

[ mood | awake ]

On a bench dyed in twilight
An abandoned doll
If you lose your dreams
everything's over
Murmured someone

Sparkling fingers raised themselves to adjust the headphones upon thin ears beset with jewelry as Sakuma Ryuichi's other hand slid up the metallic pole he was gripping onto, the metro jolting to an earsplitting halt and tossing the man's lithe body back a couple inches. It would have knocked him over if it wasn't for the warm bodies pressed all around him, giving him an estranged sense of being in a mother's womb. His azure eyes glanced out to the train station, now coming into view behind opaque sunglasses as the people from the metro filed out like cream filling oozing out of a Twinkie. He too, flowed with the crowd in its ascent from the underground level to the street level, his body feeling light as it was carried by the warm mass of the crowd, pushing and pulling as a sonorous tune flowed through his headphones perched upon his ears like two dark sentinels keeping the vocalist guarded from real life with their siren song.

I have nowhere to return to
Just wandering through this town
Without being able to become gentle
Without knowing what I believe

The beat that thrummed through his ears was strangely calming as he walked with no purpose out into the crisp air, away from the comfort of the crowd, and down the street, his eyes closed in a blind faith found only in that of a child as he concentrated only on the music. A vivid image of himself shining onstage caught his glance, and he mentally grasped the image like a long-lost treasure. So long ago had he seen that image... he'd lost sight of what Nittle Grasper actually was.

He had thought he knew what he wanted to do -- thought that he'd actually wanted to quit Nittle Grasper and do a solo career in America, thought that he'd really wanted to kill himself in his apartment... but those were only facsimilies of the dream he wanted -- quitting brought him closer to reality, and attempted suicide had brought him closer to fantasy. What he wanted was...

He opened his eyes, and saw Harujuku Square. Images of people cosplaying, people dressing up in the hottest fashion square in Japan, and all of them were silent. In fact, not one of them spoke a word -- the only sound he could hear was the music in his headphones pulsating, and filling his entire being with a thundering bass line, complex guitar riffs, digitally mastered sounds, and a perfectly ethereal voice over it all. The colours of reality in Harujuku Square brightened as if a computer monitor's contrast somewhere had been turned up, and even though he couldn't hear their voices, the only one that really mattered was the one serenading him through the headphones...

This is what he wanted -- the perfect balance of reality and fantasy -- where he could see so clearly, the colours and details of everything, and omit the din of unimportant things like conversations about when celebrity's albums would come out, or who was dating who, with his soul, flowing to a song struck from the strings of the inner heart and the voice of an angel.

The passion I struggled for, the wings I embraced
Take off to the sky...

He would grow wings. His face suddenly shot up to the sky, an untarnished blue expanding across the sky as a girl passed him wearing a Malice Mizer outfit.

He would fly. He would show these people what it was like to see the world but hear it so differently from others... he would grow wings and fly to his long-lost dream of making that come true.

And as he stared up at the sky, taking off his dark sunglasses to stare purely into the vast sheet of blue, he smiled broadly, remembering the way Kaoroku smiled, the way Tohma looked at him, the way Shuichi's picture looked in the hospital, the way K-san's gun sat at his chairside, the way Aizawa Tachi danced Kumagorou across his pillow.

He would, and he could, fly.

- put your faith in me -

Why The Rum?? [16 Oct 2003|11:12pm]

Suguru finally put the receiver down on the pay phone. He had been holding it for a good 15 minutes after his cousin hung up. All he could hear was the monotonic buzz and the annoying female voice of, Please call and try again. Once the phone was down Suguru tired his hardest to remove himself from the booth. Yet, the alcohol in him seemed to want his body to do otherwise, Seguchi-san please come....He knew what he did was wrong. But the temptation to forget all the emotions and memories that came flooding back to him upon seeing the music video was too much. Suguru gave in to that temptation. Now he was facing the terrible consequences…

Suguru jumped as much as his alcohol induced state would allow him, when a man tapped his shoulder he looked up recognizing the face of his older cousin, "Seguchi-san! You ca...Whah!" in an attempt to stumble out of the booth he tripped over his own feet and fell smack into Tohma's midriff. His cousin stumbled back a bit and managed to grab Suguru before they crashed to the dirty bar floor.

"Should I even bother to ask how you ended up like this?" Tohma asked under his breath as they got themselves to their feet.

"It’s Norihiko..." The only person he had ever felt so close to. How Suguru missed the lead singer. To have seen the face of his friend immortalized on the TV stores of Tokyo mocking his audacity to have continued... to have the nerve to move on was too much, "I saw him..."

"Suguru-san...” Tohma's voice was so quiet that it was almost inaudible in the loud bar,” Let me take you home...”

"I don't want to go home... mother will be angry..."the green haired teen looked up pleadingly at Tohma, "Can I stay?"

Tohma dragged him outside before replying. "You have to face your mistakes, Suguru...”

"Please... Seguchi-san... I feel terrible...I feel -" before he could say what he felt, Suguru was puking all over Tohma and himself. His cousin visibly jumped back nearly dropping the sick boy. Silence followed the ordeal. Suguru realized he had stopped breathing. Before long the cousins continued on their way to the car.

"You're right, why should I let your mother deal with this when there's me?”

Suguru's face was flushed and he actually felt a lot better. He literally climbed through the driver’s seat and into the passenger’s seat and curled up into a small ball. After a few minutes have passed on the road, Suguru felt compelled to break the silence.

"When was the last time we talked, Seguchi-san?" He asked quietly.

"It's.. been a while," answered Tohma.
Suguru was quiet for a few more seconds. The tension in the car was becoming unbearable, "I missed talking to you. Maybe, that’s why I called you."

"Maybe so... but we are both busy people...” He drove fast.

"I wonder... I still wonder. Why do you play the keyboards?" Suguru asked... he hadn’t realized how off topic and completely random his thought was. "What drives you day by day to believe, to continue?"

Tohma pulled into the driveway of the hotel that housed his penthouse apartment. He pulled up to the valet parking, handing the keys to the attendant without replying to Suguru. He walked around to the other side of the car and helped the teen get to his feet, all without a word.

Quietly, Suguru followed Tohma into the penthouse the best he could. Once inside Suguru closed his eyes and breathed in the familiar scent that was his cousin. Cinnamon…mixed with the spicy scent of orchid and vanilla. Once inside the bathroom, his cousin gently began to wipe the corners of his mouth, a rather gentle and somewhat un-Tohma like gesture.

"It’s my passion... probably one of the only things that make me happy...” the older man said quietly in response to the earlier question.

"Happy... You make me happy Seguchi-san" Suguru smiled touching his cousin's hand lightly, "I can do it. You better change." Tohma removed his hand from his cousin's and left him on the floor.

"Seguchi-san, do you mind if i use your shower?"
Tohma turned around at the voice coming from his bathroom. "Please! I'll find you some clean clothes and leave them outside the door," he said; his voice fading as he walked away.
Suguru smiled and closed the door part way, and started to strip himself of his clothes. These past few days have been hell for him. Yet, whenever he was in his cousin's house he felt at ease.

Suguru's main talent is the keyboards and always will be, but its rare for any musician to not possess at least some singing talent. After all Suguru had the blood of a musician running in him, he was singing softly the words that had been haunting him since he saw Masamune's video in the TV store,

"...why do you waste my time...? With your made up looks and crystal smile?"

Finally he turned off the shower and stepped out drying himself off. Suguru found the robe and padded out into the kitchen and sat in one of the chairs, he looked much younger than 16 in a rather girlish and much too large robe. He missed the grin that passed his cousins face.

"This might help," he said, offering Suguru one of the steaming cups of tea.

"Ah! Arigato Seguchi-san!" He took the cup gratefully, "You have no idea how grateful I am... I’m surprised how coherently I’m talking right now..."
"You aren't," Tohma said, his grin betraying his amusement. "You're slurring some of your words."
"Am not..." Suguru shook his head maybe a bit too exaggeratingly.
"Until I get out of the shower, feel free to do whatever you need to make yourself comfortable.. My home is your home." He didn't wait for an answer before turning and leaving the room.
Suguru watched after his cousin's retreating back, his vision blurry. After a while he stared into his tea which was halfway finished. Then he padded into the living room where he curled up in front of the TV. He had not watched TV in a long time. He was feeling the effects of the alcohol again, the dizziness and.... without a second thought Suguru burst into the bathroom, retching sounds could be heard nearly a mile away. Suguru flushed the toilet and sat back down on the cold floor. His head hurt and so did his stomach and heart. Just this reminded him of when Norihiko got so drunk once he passed out in the bathroom right before a concert. He inhaled deeply to keep from sobbing. Before long Suguru padded out of the bathroom and collapsed on the couch again burying his head into the pillow.

Soon his cousin joined him in the living room, dressed in his own bath towel. Suguru bade him to sit with him. To his surprise, the older man complied. After a while Suguru began to tell Tohma all about his meeting with Lotus-san and all the memories she caused to come back unwillingly. Tohma scolded him firmly but gently.

“I swear… never again will I drink…. I will better than you expect me to be Seguchi-san” suguru said burying his head into his cousin’s warm lap.

"That's good to hear," Tohma said, a little softer now, idly petting Suguru's hair. "I take it you've learned your lesson?"

"Hai…Arigato Seguchi-san." Suguru purred softly as he drifted off into a rather deep sleep.

Tohma sweat dropped, being stuck here on the couch with the sleeping teenager resting against him. Suguru woke when his cousin moved, "nnugh...”He wasn’t too happy seeing as his cousin's lap was very warm. Tohma returned and laid a large quilt on top of him.

Once the older man left,Suguru pushed the covers off of him. He got off the couch and quietly walked into Tohma's bedroom. He had only been in here once... he was afraid of the storm and ran in here. Tohma happened to be with some lady he didn't know and doing stuff that when he didn;t know back then. He didn't want to remember that, its embaressing enough that i acted like a baby but to walk in on my cousin doing... GAH! Nonetheless he walked in quietly and crawled in after his cousin.

"What are you doing?" he whispered, voice naturally hushed due to the darkness.

"Sleeping" replied the teenager

"You're too old to sleep in my bed, please leave."


It seemed that Tohma gave in for all he said afterwards was "Night.."

"Night, Seguchi-san" Maybe he was a little too old for this..Seguchi-san was his boss after all.. but right now those things didn't matter. He was just a regular 16 year old looking for comfort from his cousin.

- put your faith in me -

Tragedy and an Interview [15 Oct 2003|12:28pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

Kaoruko lay back on the bed, trying to sleep. She hadn’t been able to do so well in the past few days. She had just gotten out of the hospital, but everything that had happened there rang clear in her head, preventing her from sleep. This was all Suguru’s fault…if it wasn’t for him bringing his band mate and then his cousin, this would have never of happened. She wouldn’t have pissed off Tohma even more, and she would have gotten out of the hospital without any problems. But a coughing fit changed it all. Kaoruko coughed so hard her wig came off. Of course while Tohma and Suguru were there. She cursed herself mentally for making such a stupid mistake.

Staring up at the black ceiling, she closed her eyes, but all she could see was Tohma’s back as he walked out of the room, and out of her life. Or so she thought…

….sleep came late that for her, but she woke up early the next morning, sitting up and yawning. Kaoruko dropped out of bed and got dressed without much cause as to whether she looked good or not. She’d been in bed for so long she needed to get out of the house. The doctor had told her to stay in bed for a few days to catch up on rest and to let her body regain strength. She was of course ignoring this order as she grabbed her bag and walked out of her apartment.

Heading to the park, she breathed in the fresh air. It was empty in her lungs though. Even the beautiful morning wasn’t enough to quell the storm raging inside her. Kaoruko didn't really look at anyone or anything around her. She walked right past Ryuichi Sakuma dejectedly, barely registering him in the corner of her eye. Stopping a bit past him, she turned back. “Sakuma-san?” This might be her chance to….what? To make up for what she’d done? Didn’t she do it knowingly and willingly? Kaoruko shook her head inwardly as the boy acknowledged her.

“Hai haaai!” the boy chorused melodically with his ever-famous voice, as he swung his legs childishly from the edge of the fountain he was sitting on. His hand was scribbling down words at an incredible rate on a piece of notebook paper. Kaoruko wondered briefly what he was doing, but she assumed he was writing lyrics.

Approaching him, Kaoruko thought carefully how to word what she wanted to say. As she looked at him, she asked for the interview as slowly and carefully as possible. The way he reacted was not at all expected, and took Kaoruko by surprise. “Free? I’m free!” e responded. He smiled jubilantly and bounced his legs against the concrete fountain-side.

He doesn’t seem to care who I am or what I’ve done, Kaoruko said as she sat down next to Ryuichi on the fountain. Looking at him with dull eyes, she said, “Sakuma-san you do know who I am, don’t you?”

Ryuichi poked her in the nose. “You’re Kaoruko. You helped Tachi-kun with that scandal a long time ago!”

Kaoruko stepped back, surprised by the poke. He says it as if he doesn’t care… “I…” she sighed, coughing a little. “That’s not the way I want to be remembered, but yes…”

Ryuchi just smiled and looked at her, setting down the lyrics. Giving him a tiny undetectable smile, she pulled out a tape recorder and began the interview. By the time she was done with the interview, her face shined and her eyes sparkled with something that she hadn't felt in a long time. She smiled at Ryuichi. "Thank you for taking the time to do this with me," she said, stopping the recorder. "Can I ask one more favor of you?”

“Mmm, whassat?” His blue eyes blinked up at her again.

She sat back, trying to figure out how to best word this. "Seguchi-san...may not be too thrilled when he finds out I've interviewed you. Just..please tell him I didn't ask you anything that could hurt you in anyway..."

“Mou!” he spoke, his eyes shining. "Of course! I promise!" He grinned again and held out a pinky finger like a little 5-year old would. "I pinky promise!!"

Sighing in relief, she indulged the boy and hooked her pinky in his. "Thank you, Sakuma-san. You've been a great help."

Ryuichi nodded effervescently. "You're welcome, na no da~!" he sang, and almost immediately as his finger left Kaoroku's, he began to scribble again upon the lyric sheet. Slipping the tape recorder back into her bag, she bid Ryuichi farewell and made her way back to her apartment. I've missed that so much....everything that's been happening with Bad Luck and ASK, I never realized that I just wanted to write a good article. Smiling again, she stretched in the crisp air. Maybe her life was going to turn around.

A few days later, Kaoruko sat inside the small cafe just outside the building where Tohma worked, eating her lunch. Her article had just been published yesterday, and it was the first thing she was proud of since...well in a long time. The sun shined in the window on this early Tuesday afternoon. Kaoruko felt like a new woman. Not only was her pneumonia gone, but she had gotten back into why she became a reporter in the first place.
Read more...Collapse )
Despite her hurt foot and leg, she avoided the garage completely, taking the long way home. Heading in to her apartment, she flopped on her bed, exhaling deeply as she let out everything that she had held in around Tohma. The sobs wracked her body. That entire attack terrified her, and she wished she had someone there like Tohma did for him. Succeeding in at least partially quelling her thoughts, she fell into a fitful sleep.

- put your faith in me -

[13 Oct 2003|08:52pm]

Kaoruko-san's visit was brief, but meaningful.

Tachi could realize it for what it was; it was his means of destruction. Kaoruko-san was going to be his new...toy. She was going to be his means of destroying Seguchi Tohma...somehow. Tachi knew that there was a large amount of risk in using her, but what did he have left?

He had destroyed his own career, Tachi knew that. But Tohma was stealing the one person that meant anything to him.

Tachi was several days-months-years late in preventing that from ever having happened. He could do nothing about it.

How could Tohma win when he had no ammunition whatsoever? What was he going to do, orchestrate Tachi's murder? Everyone would know he had done it. His life was the only thing that Tohma could steal away.

A loaded gun with nothing to lose is a very dangerous thing.

If Tachi smiled a certain way, played a certain hand of cards, he could do it. He could ruin all of them. For what purpose? To show them how it felt to eat dirt. How it felt to have no hope, no purpose. Tachi knew how to play the game, and he knew how to play the game well. He was no stranger to it.

And, as soon as it was all over, Tachi would leave it all to heaven and snap his own neck. Once it was all over, he would bow and the curtains would fall. He would let Ma-kun use him as long and as much as he needed, or wanted to, and then...once he was tossed away, it would be over.

The thoughts were driving him insane.

Tachi silently lived for the kisses Ma-kun gave him when he visited, lived for the scent of his hair, the touch of his skin. He was going to lose it soon, he knew...and once he did, he wouldn't have any reason to be here. He knew why he needed to cherish all of this, but had no means of keeping it from going away.

Ma-kun's most recent visit was a different story, however.

Ma-kun had left with the doctor when he had first come to visit Tachi. When he came back, however, he had briefly told Tachi that he needed to leave, without even once looking at Tachi. Leaving, he left no promise of his return the next day, as Tachi was accustomed to hearing.

Tachi knew.

He knew that they all thought he was insane. So, they had told Ma-kun, too.

There was still nothing he could do about this entire situation.

Nighttime fell upon Tachi and his tired, empty stomach. Tears, he suddenly realized, were falling from his eyes. The irony, salty taste upon his tongue and lips woke him up to the fact that he was feeling anything.

And he smiled, because he wouldn't be alive if he didn't feel the cold trails of liquid trickling down his cheeks.

- put your faith in me -

[13 Oct 2003|06:20pm]

Day in, day out, the clock would tick. Days passed him by without Ma-kun even realizing where the time had gone. He was a walking corpse. Alive, yes, of course. Mentally stable? Far from it. With each passing day he could feel himself slipping. Ok, ok...maybe he was stable. Though, it was in the slightest. Ever since that talk with the doctor. The visit to the hospital, a place he hated almost as much as his Father. The blonde was walking on tiny, razor-like shards of glass. One wrong turn from him, undecided thoughts spoken aloud to Tachi, and Ma-kun would stumble yet again. He had fallen numerous times from previous mishaps and falls. The glass was already bloody.

At least his mask was in place. Ever since the accident, Ma-kun had been hiding while at work, or just the public in general. They wouldn't see how he really felt. It was a challange for the blonde, hiding his feelings was always something that he was told nod to do. However, this time around, he knew that the task had to be done. So, each day that Ma-kun had to go to work, up went the face. Smiling, helpful to customers, whatever he needed to be. Back at the apartment, though? He was blank, and indescribable. Almost numb, to say the truth.

One thing he was grateful for, were the visits. Everytime he went to see the singer, Tachi seemed to be getting better. Of course, it wasn't by much. Just bit by bit, It was a start, though, Ma-kun knew.

That recent visit, though... Ma-kun had come from home, for once, as opposed to going to the hospital straight from work. It was easy by now, manuvering through the vast halls of the vicinity. Ma-kun had come to visit Tachi almost daily by this point. It was awkward to walk in upon the ex-singer...with a dark haired woman nearly sprawled face down upon him.

The whole encounter was far too aggravating for Ma-kun. While the blonde didn't absolutely loathe the reporter, Ma-kun didn't exactly enjoy Kaoruko's company. Sure, he helped her back to her room, as any other polite person world do. He just wanted to get back to Tachi as soon as he possibly could.

His visit didn't run like it normally did, however.

"Excuse me," a voice came from behind the blonde, closer to the door. Though, Ma-kun didn't turn around. "Can I speak to you for a moment," a pause,"...Ma-kun?"

His hair was tousled from laying his head on the blankets so often. Ma-kun vaguely reconized the voice behind him, it was the doctor he had spoken with when Tachi was frist brought into the hospital.

Untwining his fingers from Tachi's, the blonde rose. "Oh..yeah." The same hand that was twined came up to rake through his hair. "Sure."

"I'm sorry if I was interrupting something. I needed to talk to you in private about Aizawa-kun's condition...do you mind if we step into my office? It's a private matter." The doctor's voice was calm, soothing almost, which eased Ma-kun. A little.

What..what is this about? The blonde tore through his thoughts again. He wants to talk about Tachi's condition? W..what else is wrong with him? Did the accident injure him more than we thought? He snapped back to reality and shook his head a little. Glancing to Tachi for a moment (before they left the room), Ma-kun followed the doctor into his office.

After introductions were made, Ma-kun took a seat at the well-cushioned chair that was set in front of the doctor's desk.

"I wanted to ask you some personal questions about Tachi. Since we don't have a legal guardian, or older sibling, you're the only one we can talk to you about this matter. Everything you'll say here is purely confidential, so you don't have to be afraid about Aizawa-san knowing what you said here." His voice, yet again, was calm and collected, his eyes scanning over several papers that lay before him.

"Of course," Ma-kun agreed, though his voice was distant. "D..did something else happen in the accident..that I wasn't informed of?"

"What I wanted to ask you might have something to do with it, but we're not sure if it's because of the accident..." he paused momentarily, as if to collect his thoughts. "Have you known Aizawa-san to have ever had any sort of mental disorder? Or did he ever act a certain way to indicate that he might have one?"
cut the rest..being that it's somewhat long ^^;Collapse )

- put your faith in me -

[10 Oct 2003|05:24pm]

The world was a blur. Through the medication and the incessant murmurings from the nurses and doctors that came to his bedside, Tachi couldn't make sense of anything going on around him. He felt dizzy and unaware-but he struggled into consciousness, trying to figure out whether he was alive or not. Sleep came too easily, and Tachi hated it-sleep locked him out from everything else.

He felt alive. He knew, in a corner of his mind, that he was breathing, and that he was living. He could feel the pain, and he could smell the sharp scent of antiseptic within the room. His bed felt sterile, the sheets felt crisp, and the blankets were too thin. The air was cold, and it scraped against the dryness of his inner nostrils like sandpaper against wood.

Tachi had already lost track of the days, and had lost track of the hours in which he fought to remain awake-night and day were both the same. There were no windows, and the artificial lamps supplied light that he always mistook for sunshine. The light was too bright, shined in his eyes, pissed him off, but he couldn't slur through the medication to ask someone to turn the fucking thing off.

The only person who had ever visited, so far, was Ma-kun, who was incessantly trying to get him to communicate with him. *Tough chance...*...as if Tachi had ever communicated with him when he was actually *aware* of things around him. But Tachi appreciated the warmth, the snuggly hugs, the tender kisses upon his lips, the petting...dammit, if he had a choice, he would have Ma-kun chained to his bed.

Not that he would ever admit that to anyone.

Waking up started to get easier. He didn't have to struggle to unglue his eyelids from each other, and he could understand what the doctors were saying. Less medication, more brainwork-that was Tachi's motto, as if he was able to tell anyone that. They said that he had sustained a severe concussion, which was why he had needed so much morphine-they had been afraid of him having cracked his skull, or having slid a spinal disk out of place.

Fucking felt like he had. After they had lessened the medication, Tachi had really started to feel his injuries. His pain felt as if someone had crushed his ribs and slammed him repeatedly against a wall-and, afterwards, run him through a blender. He wondered, vaguely, when the damned carousel was going to stop.

The silence and cold loneliness of the room left Tachi to his own thoughts, especially when Ma-kun couldn't visit, or there was nothing to watch on television. He was left to the thoughts of his demise, to Ma-kun's new career; even to when Ma-kun had been stuck in the hospital. Ken-chan probably didn't even know that Tachi was in the hospital, and Tachi, inwardly, knew that he wouldn't have visited anyway.

This was his penance for being who he was, and for what he had done.

For some reason, the awkwardness of living again hadn't worn off; Tachi felt as if he shouldn't be breathing. He felt as if he should have been buried underground, six feet under, with a gravestone sitting above him. When Ma-kun came to visit, Tachi clung to him as if he were a lifeline, as if he were going to fall behind the curtain of death if he let go.

Tachi knew that Ma-kun was probably busy with his new career with Ken-chan, making music. All without him.

The knowledge didn't hurt, even though it had before.

Eventually, he would have to let go of that lifeline, and find something else to do. Ma-kun was going to find someone else. Tachi was sure of that. Someone else who didn't abuse him in the manner that he had. Someone better.

Losing Ma-kun was going to be difficult.

And he couldn't do anything about it.

Sometimes, thinking about...that...Ma-kun, being with someone else...incensed him with jealousy. Infuriated him. Caused him to fall into moody moments of depression, where he snapped even more viciously at the doctors who came in to check on him, where he refused to let the doctors change his needles, refused to let them change the bag of morphine.

They all thought he was insane for a while, until the storm clouds blew over and he was as obedient as any patient could be.

Aizawa Tachi...throwing a God damned ninny little tantrum. A common occurance, nothing new, do not stop and watch as he explodes.

This entire situation pissed him off more than having been outdone by Bad Luck. This entire situation pissed him off more than when Tohma had snapped ASK's ties with NG. Enraged him to the point of moody insanity. The doctors were talking about having him committed, about having him thrown into mental rehabilitation. They were afraid something had happened in the accident to alter his manner of thinking.

Tachi found it funny that they thought his regular personality was a mental illness.

Surprisingly enough, every time Ma-kun came to visit him, Tachi hid all of it away. Ma-kun, in his mind, didn't deserve to be subject to his horrendous moodswings and tantrums, even though Tachi had always blasted the blonde with his offensive words and attitude before. Ma-kun's presence calmed him down, and kept his mind off of the torturous topics haunting him.

Most everyone who went by another name thought he had lost it.

And, in a way, he had. But there was nothing insane about how he had lost it all.

Tachi had hit bottom. And he was feeling the cold floor underneath his ass. He'd hit bottom so many times that he didn't know what it was like to be on the top anymore...the feeling of being on top had lasted for only a few days when he had succeeded as a musician.

He felt like a twisted, crumpled up piece of paper that could never be smooth again. The ex-singer hid inside of his head, and he let himself slip away from everything else around him. Tachi was going to find a way to make this all okay again. He didn't care about the music, he didn't care about the fame, he just cared about the fact that his sanity, along with Ma-kun, was slipping out from underneath his fingers. Spurned on by this delirious need for a solution, Tachi resolved himself that once he encountered a chance, he would snatch it up and anchor himself upon it.

Until then, he would let the monster rest.

ooc noteCollapse )

- put your faith in me -

[08 Oct 2003|12:19pm]

Night again, and quiet. Hiroshi had to look out the window at the cars speeding down the streets, to make sure that the world hadn't completely stopped.

Well...the rest of the world hadn't stopped, at least.

He was at a standstill, though. It seemed that he kept going around and around in circles with no end. It's just one long goddamned cycle, he thought with a crooked smile.

No matter what he did, the past always came back to him. The same thing, over and over. The same encounter and those same words...

Yuki Eiri.

Why did it seem that the two were so...magnetized? Encountering one another at the oddest times and places...now, the subway.

Hiro, for one, would have been perfectly content not to speak to the writer for the length of their time together. Why did the man even initiate a conversation? He didn't seem like one to be overly enthusiastic about talking to people.

"Where are you headed?" the writer had asked, disinterested.

The reply was short, and coupled with a shrug, "I'm not sure."

"We have something in common at last."

The conversation had degenerated from there until it was little more than an artful arguement. Each kept calm -Hiro struggling to do so, at least, as he didn't usually mask his own feelings- even as the car stopped with a screech; lights flickered for a moment, and a voice over the intercom apologized for a delay.

They had been stuck in the car and, with no one there to witness any of it, had let a small -very small- piece of themselves out in the open to one another.

You're avoiding the issue." Eiri's lips twisted ever-so-slightly in a soft smirk.

"Then enlighten me, what exactly -is- the issue?" the guitarist snapped...the words came off as sounding quite a bit colder than he wanted, even more than he was used to.

In the end, Hiro concluded that he had failed. He felt like a child that had been antagonized into a fight...but in that moment, the first moment where he snapped at the writer, he had let go of his responsibility to keep calm. That's what he was, after all...the rational one. When everyone at the studio was having a fit, he calmed them down. But he'd let himself go.

"It's pretty damn obvious how much he cares about you! No one but you! Selfish bastard, I don't know why the hell you can't even see any of that!"

Eiri's eyes flashed. "I asked you once if you were going to tell me to 'stay away from your Shuichi.' Has your answer changed?"

The guitarist twisted the question altogether, giving a serious look bordering on a glare. "Just stop being so fucking ignorant. If you only want to hurt him, then...no. My answer doesn't change."

Eiri's eyes took on a dangerous, stormy look that Hiro had only seen once before. His tone was low and harsh, mirroring the look in his eyes. "If you think I want to hurt him... it is you who needs to hone his skills of observation." As if on cue, the train jerked to a halt, the doors sliding open with a fwoosh. Eyes flashing with barely-contained anger, Eiri stood and stalked out as if the train had stopped just for him.

Hiro watched the man leave, his expression deepening ever so slowly. 'Whatever you think, it's all you ever seem to do...'

Pulling away from the window, Hiro flopped down on the couch. I must be out of my fucking mind...or getting there, at least...

- put your faith in me -

[08 Oct 2003|09:41am]

[ mood | sleepy ]

It had only been two days since Kaoruko was admitted into the hospital under the name Tamiya Lotus by the keyboardist of Bad Luck. Though, Kaoruko tried not to think about that. It was hard though, considering the little brat was always there. All Kaoruko wanted to do was curl up and get a good night's sleep. But no, this wasn't possible. Not only did Suguru keep interrupting that sleep, but she had to constantly worry about the wig that she had to keep plastered to her head.

Kaoruko needed a break. On the morning of her second day, Suguru came as usual. She faked another coughing fit (which ended up turning into a real one), and got Suguru to leave. Taking a gulp of water that felt like acid going down her throat, Kaoruko pulled herself out of bed. She felt a curious draft by her back side. Craning her neck, she saw, well, everything. Her back side was completely exposed except for the strings that kept the gowns together. She glared at those strings. Cheap bastards.

Sighing heavily, Kaoruko slipped on the jacket that Suguru had brought her. It didn't do much, as she was much taller than him. Growling, she threw it off and grabbed her own jacket, which gratefully covered the exposed parts. Kaoruko padded out the door, staying near the wall just in case she got weak or anything. It felt like a normal cold now, why couldn't she go home?

The linoleum floor was like ice on her feet, but with her almost constant fever, that felt simply wonderful. Kaoruko resisted the urge to walk with her face pressed against the cold walls, for she didn't want to attract attention to herself. To alleviate her boredom, she just explored the hospital, looking in on different patients rooms.

Kaoruko stopped at one particular room. Staring inside, she blinked at the broken form on the bed. Turning her head, she read the face plate that said "Aizawa Tachi". Turning back to Tachi, Kaoruko was flooded with emotions that slammed into her head. Anger, fear, curiosity, worry. She was just about as angry at whoever caused Tachi to be in so much pain as she was at the bastard who'd stolen her umbrella and gotten her into this mess.

Slowly, she pulled off the wig that she'd been wearing the entire time she was in the hospital. She wasn't that close to her room, so no one should that mattered should notice Kaoruko's now blue-black hair. Needing something to do besides go back to that dreaded room, she decided to help Tachi. He seemed to need it, as he was attempting to get to his food plate.

"Want some help?" Kaoruko asked quietly, her voice still slightly hoarse from all the coughing she'd done. Suddenly, she was afraid of how Tachi would react to her barging into his room like this. Gulping, and keeping that fear inside where it belonged, she stayed near the doorway, ready to leave if needed.

Tachi jumped, and knocked the tray right off of the table sitting next to his bed. French toast splattered on the linoleum, creating magnificent splashes of syrup, and his orange juice bounced in its Tupperware-like container, landing on its aluminum foil top on the tile. Staring at the mess, the ex-singer flopped back on his pillows, and looked up at his visitor with an annoyed expression on his face.

"No, not anymore." His tone of voice was belligerent, arrogant, even. His black mess of hair tickled his nose, and he blew it out of the way. Finally focusing on the woman through his hair, his eyebrows raised a tad. After a few long moments, Tachi seemed to come out of his thoughts, raking his healthy fingers back through his bangs once again in an attempt to shake them out of his eyes. "Why in the hell are you here?"

Kaoruko jumped when the tray fell. This made her feel slightly guilty at him losing his breakfast. Kaoruko half expected the reaction he gave her when she entered. She kept her voice quiet when she spoke, for it still hurt to do so. "I caught pneumonia," she replied, and tried to make her voice sound smug, but it came out deep and sickly.

"Let me get you another tray," she said, and without another word, she left and got another tray full of food. Setting it down on the table, she rolled it towards him and sat in the chair next to the bed. "What happened to you?"

Tachi poked at the french toast with a straw. Looking up at her, his eyes fell upon her briefly before he averted them. "Car accident." He answers her simply, not bothering to give her details. Brown eyes focusing back on her, he peers at her through his black, mussed bangs, his lips formed into a light pout of annoyance.

Kaoruko watched him as he poked at his food. He seemed different since she'd last seen him. Tohma had probably gotten to him too. She sighed inwardly. Kaoruko had wanted to talk to Tachi for awhile now, but right now her brain couldn't focus on much. The fever kept her from seeing everything clearly. Her world was coated by jelly.

Before she could speak, though, she was overcome by coughing, turning away from Tachi as she did so. The coughing always made her weak, and she thanked god she was sitting down, or she would have fallen. She finally was able to supress the coughs, but her voice was now very soft and hoarse. "I'm sorry," was all she could get out, as now it hurt to talk. For once Kaoruko wasn't focused on getting information; she just wanted someone to talk to who didn't annoy her as Suguru did.

Kaoruko leaned over, cutting a piece of French toast off. Stabbing it with a fork, she offered it to him. Whether he decided to let her feed it to him or he took the fork, it didn't matter to Kaoruko. Her hand trembled visibly, though she tried to hide it.

Giving a choice glare to the fork, he took it with his left hand, the other in a sling and a cast. He nibbled on the bread while looking at her, before he gingerly pried the slice from the prongs, half hanging from his lips as he pulls it into his mouth.

Staring at her as she gagged her way into a coughing fit, a look of mild concern flits across his gaze. Snagging the kleenex box from his side, he offered it to her.
"I'm fine. How in the hell did you catch pneumonia?" Tachi prods at his orange juice container after putting the fork down, pushing it over to the edge of the tray and picking up the straw. Stabbing the aluminum foil top with the straw, he leans forward, sipping at the liquid briefly before falling back on the pillows. Snagging the cup, he stuck the straw into his mouth, biting down on the straw and sucking at it slowly.

Kaoruko took the box gratefully. "Thank you," she said, her voice still soft, though its hoarseness had almost left her voice. She didn't pull any out of the box at the moment, but let it sit in her lap. Leaning back in the chair, she closed her eyes. "I got stuck in the rain, and my umbrella was stolen." She wasn't about to admit to Tachi that Suguru probably saved her from a much worse case of pneumonia, let alone to herself. She kept that part thankfully out of the conversation.

She stared at Tachi as he sucked the orange juice brutally through the straw. Seeing the problems he'd been having with the food, she decided to make some comment in an effort to make small talk. "What are these nurses thinking? I mean, they give someone food that needs to be cut, and the patient only has the use of one arm. And then they go and put it out of reach so you have to practically fall off the bed to get to it."

Kaoruko thought to herself how bad it was she said so much, for now her throat felt like it was on fire. She wanted something to sooth it, but everything she tried just irritated it worse. Kaoruko rubbed her neck, as if that would make it feel any better.
Withholding a wince, she swallowed and tried to keep from coughing again.

Tachi gave her a darkly irritated look. "They're all female. They'd rather stare at me than fucking feed me." Letting go of the straw, he shifted his messy bangs out of his eyes with a slightly arrogant toss of his head. Tachi presumed that she had coughed herself into having a sore throat. Having more than three-fourths worth of the orange juice left, he passed it over to her.

"I'm stuck in here for a few more days...I'm hoping that I'm not going to get molested by some damned nurse or something." Tachi shifted a little, getting comfortable upon his sheets. Slender fingers picking at his blanket, he tugged it up over his lap with his healthy hand, and he rested his head down upon the pillow, still looking at her.

A small smile came to Kaoruko's face as she took the juice. "Thank you," she said quietly, holding it in her lap. She took a small sip of it after removing the straw, swallowing it slowly. Of course everything hurt going down, but it felt good to have something liquidy go down.

Kaoruko sighed, falling silent. She didn't doubt that it was true, but she didn't know how to reply to the comments. "I'm not sure when I'll be out of here. They said it was mild pnemonia, but that doesn't make me feel much better." Add to that Suguru's constant nagging, Kaoruko thought irritatedly to herself, shaking her head.

Kaoruko set the cup on the table next to her. It seemed shaking her head caused her to be overcome by a sudden dizzy spell. She grabbed the edge of Tachi's bed, clenching her eyes shut to try to stop the room from spinning. I can't pass out, not here, Kaoruko thought fiercely, though she was fighting a losing battle. She slumped forward, her head coming to rest in her arms right next to Tachi's arm.

Recovering from her fainting spell a few moments later, she raised her head slowly to look at Tachi. She started, surprised she was still there, and now embarrassed she had passed out in front of him. Smoothing her hair, Kaoruko gave Tachi a small smile. "It seems I am weaker than I thought. Feel better. I am going to head back to my room so I can get some rest."

And with that she stood up, or tried to. Her legs buckled beneath her and she fell back into the chair. Glancing towards the doorway, she jumped yet again. "Ma-kun?" Kaoruko examined the blonde boy. He didn't look the same since she'd last seen him either. Kaoruko really wanted to lie down in her bed, to save herself from another fainting spell, but she was stuck there at the moment, as her legs wouldn't support her.

Having rested his hand upon Kaoruko's head, he jumped as she lifted her head from the sheets. Tachi removed his hand quickly as she sat back. His gaze lifting to meet Ma-kun's briefly, he remains silent for a moment

"What the hell was that, some "Kaoruko-Rose-From-The-Dead-Trick?!" Tachi snapped out. His cheeks flushed in embarrassment from the jolt of adrenaline, his messy bangs having gotten in his eyes again as he sat there.

"Kao..ru..ko..-san.." The name fell from his lips almost as if he was learning to pronounce it. Ma-kun semi-froze. His blues shifted, looking to Tachi a bit longer before laying them upon the woman.

"What..are you doing here..?"

She couldn't help but glare as Tachi snapped at her, ignoring Ma-kun’s question for the moment. "Rose from the dead? What are you, an idiot? I just fainted!" Though her tone was irritated, she still kept a death grip on the sheets as to keep herself from fainting yet again. She looked at her lap, trying to bring focus back into her eyes.

Kaoruko turned her face to Ma-kun, or rather, one of the several Ma-kun's she saw. "I'm not well, Ma-kun, if you cannot see that already." She wasn't irritated at him, just at the fact that her consciousness was slipping again and she wasn't sure if she could hold on to it.

Tachi's glare is equally deadly. "I'm not a fucking idiot! If you're going to faint, at least give me some warning before you're going to fucking do it so I don't think you died on me!"

Kaoruko calmed quickly, realizing if she continued to argue, she would faint again. "I apologize, Tachi-san. It's just I constantly feel as if I am going to faint," she said, her voice now soft with a hint of fear mixed in. Kaoruko lowered her head to try to alleviate the spinning that was still occurring without much success. "I'll...try to warn you next time."

This was the first time she'd ever apologized to Tachi, and frankly at the moment she didn't care. She wanted to lie down and the only bed available currently had a broken down singer in it.

Ma-kun remained silent for several moments after that. His eyes drifted back and forth between Tachi and Kaoruko-san. "Do you need some help back to your room?" Ma-kun asked blankly again to the woman.

Looking at the several Ma-kun's, she nodded. "Yes, please," she actually sounded grateful for the help. She knew she wouldn't be able to get there on her own without passing out, and now, if she did, she'd have him there to help her. Carefully, very carefully, she released her hold on the sheets.

Nodding, the blonde made his way over and gently took Kaoruko's arm.
"Careful.." He mumbled a little.

Kaoruko almost clung to the boy as she stood up. She was able to walk fine; he just seemed incredibly intoxicated while doing it. After standing up for a bit, though, she found her balance and could walk semi-normally. She realized that Ma-kun was probably doing this to be polite, not because he cared for her well-being. "My room...it's down the hall..."

Ma-kun nodded. He then made his way out of the room and down the hall, making sure to go at a slower pace.

Upon reaching her room without incredible difficulty, Kaoruko sat on the edge of her bed. Rubbing her forehead, she looked up at the blond boy. "It's been awhile since we've seen each other, Ma-kun," she said, her voice still a bit drunk sounding. She pulled her legs onto the bed and lay down, blinking away the several Ma-Kuns that came with it.

Kaoruko figured Ma-kun had no intention, nor desire, to sit with her, but decided to talk with the boy for a bit. "I trust you are well?"

The look in Ma-kun's eyes was expressionless as they lay upon Kaoruko. After she had gotten onto the bed, he slid his hands back into the pouch-pocket of his sweatshirt. Giving a shrug, he glanced around the room for a moment. "I'm good, I guess," His reply empty.

Sighing, Kaoruko realized this conversation wasn't going anywhere. Fair enough, she wanted to sleep anyway. "Sorry for troubling you. I know you wanted to see Tachi." Her voice was mostly emotionless, for she felt nothing for the blond haired boy.

Kaoruko could tell he wanted to leave, but she wasn't really sure how to send the boy off without sounding rude. "All that moving made me really exhausted, so I'll let you get back to the real reason you're here." Ouch, Kaoruko thought to herself. That just made her sound like she was trying to guilt Ma-kun into staying with her, which she didn't want.

Once again, Ma-kun merely nodded as a response. "Yeah," he mumbled, his voice distant. "It's fine." He decided to add in. Taking a step back, he gave Kaoruko a light nod. "See ya." Seeing that she was set, the blonde made his way back to Tachi's room.

- put your faith in me -

Getting sick [07 Oct 2003|10:47pm]

[ mood | sick ]

Kaoruko wandered about Suguru’s neighborhood, planning to “run” into him to get more information for her article. It was cold outside, and raining. As she walked, some man ran into her. Falling to the ground, her umbrella flew out of her hands. Cursing loudly, she pulled herself to her feet, shivering slightly as she went to retrieve her umbrella. Looking around, she cursed even louder. Whoever had run into her had taken her umbrella.

The shivering increased as she moved into a small alcove outside a townhouse. It was almost a half hour later when someone opened the door. “Lotus-san?” a voice sounded from the door. Jumping, Kaoruko turned to face the green-haired boy. This wasn’t expected.

“Oh, Fujisaki-san!” she said, a chatter interrupting her greeting.

“You’re shivering. Come inside,” Suguru offered, opening the door wider. Since that was who she was looking for, she took the offer to get warm and entered the small town home. “I’ll dry your clothes,” Suguru said after he shut the door. Nodding slowly, Kaoruko entered the bathroom, changing out of the wet outfit she was in, and into a pair of Suguru’s mother’s sweatpants and shirt.

Kaoruko was warmer as she came out of the bathroom, but she still wasn’t feeling better. Kaoruko sneezed. “Bless you,” Suguru said as he came back into the room with two cups in hand. “Tea?”

Looking at him, Kaoruko nodded and took the cup. “If I ever find the jerk who stole my umbrella, I’ll kill him,” she snapped into the cup as she sipped at it. She lifted her face to Suguru’s, she saw that he was staring at her. Nice job, you idiot, she thought fiercely. Covering it up, she giggled stupidly. “I’ve never caught a cold so fast before,” she said, but the end of her sentence was cut off by an onslaught of coughs.

“That cough sounds really bad,” Suguru noted. “Maybe I should take you to the doctor.”

I can’t get sick, not now. “I’ll be okay, thank you Fuji—,” again another set of coughs. Damn it!!

“I should take you to the doctor’s, but we can’t have you walking in the rain again. Plus, I can’t drive. I can either wait for my parents to come home or for Seguchi-ssan to pick us up.”

Not Tohma, anyone but Tohma. She didn’t reply, as she realized that it hurt terribly to speak. Rubbing her throat, she took another tissue and wiped her nose. “I know, I’ll call a cab,” Suguru suggested.

“Thanks,” was all Kaoruko could eke out. This is not good. Suguru left her side, picking up the phone to call the cab.

“The cab will be here soon,” Suguru said a moment later, hanging up the phone. “I’m gonna go get dressed, and then we will go.”

Kaoruko nodded and that was it. Her throat felt almost like it'd closed up and she leaned back against the couch. She had no idea what was wrong with her, but she had a sinking feeling that it wasn't good. Swallowing with a flinch, she sniffled.

Suguru bounded up the steps. A few minutes later, he was running back down with a shirt and pants half buttoned. "Ack where are my socks..." he disappeared into the basement.

Blinking as she stared at the ceiling, she clenched her eyes shut, opening them a moment later. I can't pass out, not now. Telling her body that, though, didn't work, and she lost consciousness.

She regained consciousness about half way through the ride, trying to lift her head off of his shoulder. I don't need him....I can do this myself.... Her head dropped back onto his shoulder. My head is so heavy. I can't keep it up. Suguru lifted a hand to caress her head.

Kaoruko made a small whimper that wasn't quite audible. Get off, stop touching me...don't get feelings for this person...stop... She had no voice so she couldn't say anything

“We are almost there"

"Mm..." was the only reply.

"Lotus-san?" Kaoruko heard a moment later. She forced her eyes open as she made another sound to acknowledge him. She lifted her head weakly, trying hard to keep it up.

"Stay here" Suguru said, and ran inside. He appeared a bit later with a nurse and a wheelchair.

I don't need this!! She thought firmly, standing up and out of the cab. Kaoruko's legs buckled and she collapsed into the chair. This can't be happening.

"Come on, its alright…" Suguru pushed her into the hospital and admitted her. Kaoruko was semi-conscious, not really registering, let alone caring that he was admitting her under the wrong name of Tamiya Lotus. He let the nurse take the chair away from him and followed her to the room which she would stay in. He sat by her side until the doctor came in. Kaoruko turned her head towards him and made another attempt to speak. "Sorry..."

"Sorry for what?"


"Not at all"

Closing her eyes, she cracked a small smile. "Stupid rain..."

"Hai, it can be pretty and deadly at the same time.” Kaoruko didn’t hear this last statement, as she lost consciousness again after commenting on the rain.

Kaoruko opened her eyes fully, turning her head to look at the ceiling. She looked at the IV in her arm and blinked. Taking a deep breath, she turned her head back to Suguru, who was still in the room, sitting next to her bed. "Fujisaki-san...."

"Hey. don't strain yourself too much,” Suguru smiled softly.

"It's all right, I'm not as weak as I was," Kaoruko insisted, though it was not totally true.

"The doctor said you have pneumonia. You'll have to stay here for a few days."

Kaoruko groaned. "A few days?" She sighed. "I wasn't too much of a hassle, was I?"

"Not at all ^_^"

Damn. She gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Fujisaki-san."

"Hey I must go now. I promised Shindou-san i would go over and work on some songs with him, I'll be back tomorrow."

"I should sleep anyway. Good luck, Fu--" she was overcome by another fit of coughs, turning her head away.

"Don't talk anymore…you'll only get worse...I'll see you tomorrow." Suguru smiled and waved before leaving.

"Bye..." she said hoarsely, resting her head back on the pillow. She closed her eyes. Great, this is just great...I can't get home, and there's no one I can contact to get me my things. Falling asleep, she didn’t wake up the next morning.

The next morning, Kaoruko was just finishing her breakfast when Suguru arrived. She thanked god she’d remembered to put the wig back on that morning. “Lotus-san?” He said, peeking through the doorway.

Looking over, she put on a large fake smile. "Good morning, Fujisaki-san."

"Morning, I brought flowers!" Suguru chirped.

"I see that," she said, pausing and coughing a bit more. "They're beautiful, thank you."

Suguru placed them by Lotus's beside table, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm stronger than I was yesterday..."

"That is good at this rate you might be out today,” Suguru suggested.

"I have my ups and my downs, but I hope you're right,” Kaoruko agreed, which she did.

"I'm always right!" Suguru joked as he sat down beside her.

"Is that so?" she retorted, smiling as well. Little brat is full of himself. She laughed a little, which really wasn't a good idea, as that initiated more coughing. When she finished, she leaned back, groaning a little, swallowing with a wince.

"I told you to not strain yourself."

"It's your fault for making me laugh,” Kaoruko retorted.

"Touche!" Suguru laughed.

That coughing seemed to have drained her, for her eyes started to drift shut. "Did you get anything done with Shindou-san?" She asked dreamily.

"Not really…we had a food fight."

"Mm...Food fights are fun…" Kaoruko said, not really registering the conversation anymore.

"I really hope you feel better, I hate hospitals." Suguru said, shivering slightly.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want, Fujisaki-san..." Suguru didn’t reply, but he stood up and left. Seeing as she was exhausted anyway, she didn’t protest to his sudden departure, and closed her eyes, falling asleep.

- put your faith in me -

Four Months [30 Sep 2003|11:50pm]
((...ok, you really thought this was going to happen? HA! >_< stay tuned to narrative_voice; i'll link there as soon as it's done. hopefully i'll be faster than last time.))

((addendum: i truly did post the above on time, for what it's worth, but i was dumb enough to do it in off_stage_left rather than in faithingravity. >_< i suck.))

- put your faith in me -

Hit and miss [29 Sep 2003|12:58pm]

How pathetic.

Sitting silently on the couch.

How stupid.

Falling back to recline, head slamming against the arm of that same couch. A wince, but otherwise no acknowledgement of it.

You're such an idiot.

And a scene, playing over and over in his head. A phrase, an idea.

What the hell really happened?

Cursing himself over and over, Hiroshi put a hand over his eyes. The sun was bright, shining through the blinds he had tugged shut upon waking up. He had thought that sleep would take those memories away...but they were still there that morning.

And still, he couldn't seem to stop playing the scene in his head. Shuichi, looking so still and dead as he slept. Yuki's rare expression of concern for the boy...and himself, standing in the middle of it. Standing there like he was invisible, a ghost clinging to the wall to watch the scene unfold.

When the writer had noticed him, any note of humanity in him seemed to vanish. He had escaped from Hiro's view...presumably, he left the apartment. Why not, he always ends up leaving anyways.

The rest was like some twisted fairy tale.

You're gonna have to get up sooner or later, y'know. Or do I have to play prince Charming and give you a kiss?"

To his own surprise, he'd actually done it.

And Yuki had watched it all, silently.

The boy's violet eyes slipped open almost immediately...the rest was a blur.

"Yeah... I think Yuki gave me too much....where'd he go?"

"Gave you..? Gave you what?"

"The pill to help me forget... I think? I guess it worked"

The way his best friend spoke, the slur in his voice, made Hiro's head spin with worry and fear and a thousand other thoughts. Shuichi. Sleep. Little white pill...Yuki? Kiss...lips...paper? Paper... Staring down, he pulled a crumpled slip of paper from his pocket. He had carried it back with him from the apartment.

That paper... The name, the number, the handwriting, were all so recognizeable to him. And every line on that paper made the reality a bit clearer to him.

Slowly, Hiro crumpled the paper and tossed it at the wastebasket on the other side of the room, hitting the side instead. Strike three.

- put your faith in me -

Things fall apart [27 Sep 2003|11:21pm]

It was the first time in recent memory that he was afraid to go to sleep. Usually it was a solace, the blessed escape from the world around him. With the right combination of chemicals, even dreams would not intrude with their twisted version of reality; in sleep, he was his own. The memories couldn't touch him there. How did it come to this...? How little time it took, he thought, to turn the closest thing to pleasure he'd had in some time into a waking nightmare.

He should have known it was trouble when he agreed to the 'date' with Shuichi. Things like that never ended well for him; last time, after all, he had nearly destoryed the carefully-constructed walls he'd had in place for so long. Why did I think this would be any better...? Eiri stared at the painting on the wall without really seeing it. Things always seemed to go wrong for him when Shindou was involved. Or is it the other way around? The nagging voice tugged at the tattered shreds of his conscience. The painting wavered before his eyes, and he jerked upwards, forcing himself to stay awake.

The first clue really should have been the curtains. He didn't remember writing about them, really, but was certain he must have at some point. Apparantly, Shuichi had taken it upon himself to acquire thicker curtains for the bedroom. Eiri was quite certain that a more ghastly shade of orange could not exist in this world. The pandas, of course, did not help. He'd been grateful, then, for the foolish promise he'd made--after all, if they went out for dinner, at least he could keep Shuichi from hanging the godawful things at that very moment. When they got home, he'd rationalized, it would be the simplest thing in the world to tire the boy out enough to get him to sleep, and then Eiri could dispose of the orange monstrosities when his lover left for work. It had seemed like a perfectly good plan at the time. Eiri let out a soft, cynical laugh, no more than a breath in the darkness. Good plan. Sure it was.

If the pandas hadn't tipped him off, he really ought to have taken the hint when Ayaka, who by all rights should have been back in Kyoto by now, just happened to be at the restaurant they'd visited. Eiri had actually run into her twice before this, once when she and Hiroshi were having lunch at a cafe and once when she'd been alone in a bookstore. He hadn't been able to figure out what she was doing in Tokyo, though a talk with Tohma seemed to suggest that the producer had a hand in it. Frankly, Eiri didn't much care; however, he'd assumed she'd be gone by now. Apparantly, he'd made yet another mistake.

What did you think when you saw her wave...? He'd outwardly ignored Shuichi's reaction, of course, but it was still fresh in his mind. Disappointment. Unease. Jealousy. Suspicion. All there and gone in the blink of an eye, but Eiri didn't miss much. Ayaka's presence disturbed Shuichi, and the girl seemed to take a perverse sort of delight in this fact. With a soft sigh, Eiri's hand raised just slightly to massage his temple. Awkward doesn't even begin to describe it. She is not a bad person; after all, she can't help our parents' decisions any more than I could. Of course, the fact that she probably wouldn't want to distinctly hampers our civil relationship. Thank goodness the girl had left when she did. Heh, to think he'd been afraid that her presence would spoil Shuichi's mood. Oh, no. Leave that to me. Certainly no one else can match my skill in that arena.

He wasn't even sure how, precisely, it had happened; after all, the evening had been fairly routine. Coming home was nothing new. Irritation with Shuichi was far from notable. He'd gone to print copies of the manuscript at Kinko's*Collapse ) so that his editor wouldn't cry again. He hated when she did that. The kid had been asleep when he came home--again, nothing unusual--but on the couch. That should have tipped me off. Of course, it hadn't.

Shuichi, asleep, tangled in blankets. Reaching out, tucking him in, frowning as he whimpered. Shaking his shoulder to wake him.

"Iiieee!!!! Yukiiii!!" He pulled back, obviously terrified, hitting the back of the couch in his haste to get away. Staring down at him, thunderstruck, the words echoing in his mind...

Eiri shuddered, leaning his elbows on the desk and resting his head in his hands. He'd known it would come to this, eventually; he'd known all this time. Ever since that fateful afternoon when Aizawa Tachi had shown up in his own home, Eiri had known what he had--what he must have done to Shuichi. Eiri had remembered, that afternoon, what he had been trying so hard to forget. It had clung to him ever since, despite Tohma's efforts, despite the increased doasage of medication... in spite of everything, he could not forget. The one comfort he had had was that Shuichi didn't seem to be exhibiting the same symptoms. It had been miraculous, really, and almost unbelieveable--which, of course, was entirely as it should be. How he had believed that that blissful state would continue was beyond his comprehension. I should have known this would happen. How could I be so naive?

He didn't remember much of what Shuichi had said, honestly. After the normally clingy pink-haired singer had physically shoved him away, Eiri had been trapped. The memories were too strong to ignore. Only one thing had penetrated the fog, one element of the present that had broken through the past to linger in his mind.

"Gomen Yuki..I ... I.... I'm still so scared..."

"What are you afraid of...?"


Oh God...

Little shreds of conversation came back to him, stuck in his mind, pushing their way into his conscious thoughts whether he liked it or not. Sweating, he held his forehead, closing his eyes, bracing himself for the onslaught.

"Everyone has nightmares Yuki..."

"Not like that."

"I'm sorry... I tried to forget.. just.. sometimes I remember. I'll be ok! Really..."

"Forget... It's so hard...so hard to forget..."

That was when the idea had first entered into his head, though he hadn't entertained it seriously at first. After all, Shuichi wasn't like him; Eiri knew that all too well. He'd tried to settle the singer down, tried to soothe the fears away, but to no avail.

"Let's... go to bed."

Shu looked at him with a smile of relief, his eyes wet and red from crying, and he glopmped Yuki, hugging him tightly. "I love you" he said quietly. The writer said nothing. After a moment, his arms reached to encircle the small body, and he nearly choked on suppressed tears when he felt how small and light his lover was. Like a child... Shoving back the tears, he stood, carrying the tiny burden with him into the bedroom.

"Come on tour with me?"
"Sleep... it's time to sleep now."
"You're gonna stay, right?"
"I'm here."
"Don't.. leave?"
"Yuki... if you leave.. I might die.."
"Yuki? I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have cried."
"...It's okay to cry."
"But I upset you... I always do..."
"No. You don't upset me."
"Then why are you upset?"

Why indeed? Eiri pulled his head upwards, clasping his hands together and staring at the wall across from his desk. Why was he upset? It would be easy to tell himself that Shuichi was the cause; easy, of course, to cut the boy out of his life for good and be done with it. But that wouldn't work, and Eiri knew it. Look how much trouble he'd had simply being away from him for a month, after all. If being without Shuichi meant that he couldn't write, Eiri knew that his life would be over. Without writing, how was he supposed to destroy the demons that plagued him? This way he could get rid of them, could write them into new forms and give them to his adoring public, who would shiver and gasp and love him all the more, never guessing that what they held in their hands was altered barely enough to be fiction. Writing was a dangerous business, after all; in order to draw in his audience, he had to put a piece of himself into every page. That wasn't the trouble, of course. The problem was making sure it wasn't too much. Eiri glanced briefly at the laptop, open beside him. The dark screen stared back. He returned his eyes to the wall.

The boy was more perceptive than he let on; perhaps, in fact, more than he even knew. He was always asking questions, and they were always exactly the wrong ones. Eiri couldn't take it; he'd snapped at his lover, losing control of his temper and provoking a barrage of tears. I never know what to do. He's everywhere and nowhere all at once... he wants to be comforted, so I try, but how? I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought it would help. There was nothing else to do. The medication had always worked for Eiri, after all. It made him forget, at least for a time. It was perfectly logical to reason that it would do the same for Shuichi. Right?

Of course, things hadn't worked out the way he'd planned. Eiri shuddered. The vision of tiny Shuichi--always so animated, even in sleep--looking more dead than alive haunted his thoughts. He'd never imagined that the blissful, dreamless sleep he relied on had such a frighteningly placid face.

Is that what I look like when I take the medicine?

That was the last coherent thought he remembered. Everything after that was a blur; he could recall a sense of panic and the sharp, metallic taste of fear as he suddenly wondered if, perhaps, he had made a mistake, but little else. He knew he had picked up the phone of his own accord, for once in his life. He knew he had dialed Tohma's number, which he knew so well but would never deign to use. He could follow the train of events, if not the feel, as Tohma kept him on the line while he drove over. Remembering the night was difficult; the events seemed to be wrapped in gauze, making the shapes easy to pick out but obscuring the details. The only practical consequence of Tohma's visit was that Eiri had left his lighter in the bedroom. He knew the two had talked, that things had doubtless been said that he would regret, but all that really stuck was the fact that an accessory to his nicotine addiction had been left in the room containing his frighteningly motionless lover. Nothing in this world could induce Eiri to go back and get it. He'd fallen asleep, eventually, slumped on the couch for lack of a more appropriate place.

If that had been his last encounter of the evening, Eiri might still be asleep; unfortunately, his next visit had been even less pleasant. Now Eiri deeply regretted not paying more attention to Ayaka at the restaurant; apparantly she had left a book of hers at the table, and had for some reason assumed that Eiri would have picked it up. He hadn't, of course, but that hadn't stopped Ayaka from coming in. She seemed as if she had something on her mind. A little obvious, that one... not that I hadn't suspected as much. It seemed that Tohma really did have some sort of interest in Eiri's ex-fiancee. I knew it, when he was so damned evasive about the subject of her presence here. As to his purpose in asking her to meet with him... well, I'm sure I can get that out of her once she finds out. She was bursting to ask me about him, after all. He could do, however, without her incessant concern for his welfare.

Eiri barely remembered prodding Ayaka into calling a cab; he recalled even less of the following hours, sitting in his office, staring at the wall. He knew that he should be in the bedroom, watching over Shuichi. This was his fault, after all, from the incident with Aizawa all the way up to the administration of the medication. The boy had also begged him to stay; would Eiri betray him again by being away from his side when Shuichi finally woke? The writer groaned softly, leaning back in his chair to stare at the ceiling. Coward, he told himself bitterly. You can't even fix the situation you've created. You really are pathetic. No wonder he...


Eiri scowled and pushed away from the desk, closing the distance between his position and the window in long, ground-eating strides. His hands moved simultaneously, liberating a cigarette from the ever-present pack, along with the cheap plastic lighter that was the only legacy of Ayaka's visit. He did not, it seemed, remember the little slip of paper upon which he had scribbled her number, the paper which just happened to be on the coffee table in the living room. He must also have been too distracted to notice the faint noise of movement as Shuichi woke, stumbled groggily to the living room to post in LiveJournal, and collapsed on the couch beside it. Completely oblivious to all of this, Eiri stood at the window, creating a comforting veil of smoke to hold his world together.

- put your faith in me -

Lotus [22 Sep 2003|04:00pm]

Exhustion is what drove Suguru to enter the remote café on the corner. The combined pressure and exhaustion of his studies and reheresals was finally getting to him. Not to mention his guilt over the death of his bandmate and old friend had been uncovered from its isolated grave in his heart. The keyboardist kept to the shadows of the café, not so much for anonymity of his persona but the need for isolation of human society. Suguru settled himself in a corner at the back of the café. As he looked around, he realized he didn’t really need the isolation, the café was empty enough. The few customers around were only balding adults who mostly like never heard of anything beyond Nat King Cole.

Pretty soon a lady with bright red hair and glasses approached him, “Excuse me,” she said in an almost giddy voice, “but are you Fujisaki Suguru?”

He didn't turn to face the lady as he replied, “Maybe what day is it?” She looked slighty miffed.

“But…you are Fujisaki Suguru! I’ve seen you before,” the lady said squealing rather annoyingly.

“So has the rest of japan,” He knew he was being rather rude, but he didn’t care. His focus was not even on the woman. Suguru just wanted to be alone, so it was either be rude or endure her squabble, ‘Do you want something?”

“May I sit with you? You think I know you from Bad Luck, no? I saw you when you belonged to Masamune as well,” she answered.

Suguru stiffened and his focus was brought immediately to the woman. “I thought our fans were only classmates and nieghhours. We hardly preformed out of school…and when we did …”Sugru quieted remembering the fatal performance. “sit down…”

She smiled brightly and sat down across from him. “Thank you. I came to see you when you performed, but I couldn’t make that particular performance.” She was smiling so much that Suguru just wanted to slap it off her face. But, he never had raised a hand to a woman and will not start now. Woman are to be respected and cherished no matter how annoying. He has morals, unlike most people he knew.

“You missed nothing…” Suguru assumed she knew what happened, for it was all over the local news and papers. If she didn’t..., “I hope you are not looking for a recollection of the concert from me.”

“Oh no, I wouldn’t dream of making you relive that horrid experience,” she said sympathetically, “for what it’s worth, I thought you were quite a good band.”

“Thank you…” Suguru didn’t want to talk about it, he really didn’t. Yet, he felt his guilt was pushing agaist the walls of his barrier, threatening to come out. “I’m assuming you wish to know what happened with us after we disbanded”

“I do, for I wish you hadn’t disbanded at all,” She said as she raked a hand through her hair, laughing nervously. “I guess I’m just a nosy fangirl. I apologize, if you do not wish to tell me.”

Suguru took a a slient breath and gave her an answer that would not hurt him so much,“We had to disband … Masamune would of never been the same without Norihiko. Ichirio Wantanbe … well hes now the head of a rather successful restarant, Dragon Twins. His father died and now hes running his father’s share with his uncle. Have you heard of the restaurant?”

“I have heard of it, but I do not know where it is. Do you have the address? I’ve always wanted to go,” she asked.

Fujisaki reached into his pocket and drew out a small piece of paper on which he scribbled the address and handed it to her, “ask for Wantanbe-san directly.”

The lady nodded quickly. “Thank you kindly, Fujisaki-san.” She took the paper and slid the paper into her purse, taking a sip of the water. WHen she did Suguru noticed that there was a glass in front of him as well. when did this get here?

“His rabbit is named Yuki… imagine that," Suguru pondered loudly not really sure why that was still on his mind or how that would interest the woman. Speaking of names..."What is your name?”

“Lotus Tamiya, Fujisaki-san,” she answered.

“That’s a pretty name… well I must leave, rehersal tonight," A lie, "I would allow you to come but Sakano-san and Tohma-san would have a fit. If you really wish to talk to me more here is my number and address.” Suguru scribbled the information down a piece of napkin and handed it to her as he got up.

Lotus took it happily and stood up as well. “Oh thank you kindly, Fujisaki-san,” she gushed, “I enjoyed talking with you.” She smiled sweetly and bowed. “Until next time, Fujisaki-san.”

“It was a pleasure, Tamiya-san” He returned the bow and walked outside as Tokyo began to light up to banish the evening, not caring too much if the lady had left or not.

That was interesting... Suguru thought as he kept walking, to where only kami knows. He stoped in front of a store where they sold electronics, mostly tvs. On the screens flashed a music video. To his horror it was Masamune first and last video, "Clouded Avenue". His eyes widened as he watched the all too familer dance moves of his friend and lead singer. How Norihiko absently brushed his hair back from his face, staring seductivly at the camera.

"Heading down clouded avenue
Washing the glitter from his eyes
Why do you waste our time?
With your made up looks
And crystal smile?
I am not sure, he replies
As he cocked his head to the side
I just wanted to rock and roll
Live out my dream for a while
Then he looked up from his sorrow on the rocks
Looking to the mirror behind the bar
Only then did I realize,
It was my broken reflection."

Suguru couldn't take it anymore... it was as if Norihiko himself was haunting him, angry with him for contiuning without him. He backed away from the store bummping into two high school girls.

"Ah! Gomen Nasai!" He said picking up the fallen books then dashing off.

- put your faith in me -

[21 Sep 2003|11:15pm]

[ mood | curious ]

Kaoruko was sitting in a table in the shadows when Fujisaki Suguru entered the remote café on the corner. She watched as Suguru settled himself into a corner at the back of the café, which was almost completely deserted. Her finger pushed the small framed glasses back up on her nose, straightening as the boy entered. Kaoruko’s hair was a fiery red. A wig of course, but not easily distinguishable to someone who wasn’t looking. She thought for a moment before acting. This was the biggest story lead she’d had since Seguchi Tohma had gotten her fired from her previous job. She needed to make sure it went perfectly, and that Suguru did not know who she was. Kaoruko planned to be a fangirl from Suguru’s Masamune days, though she doubted if anyone still remembered they had ever existed. Still, people would want to know about some rock star’s tragic past, especially Bad Luck’s members.

Standing up, she went over to the table that Suguru had seated himself in. “Excuse me, she said in an almost giddy voice, “but are you Fujisaki Suguru?”

“Maybe, what day is it?” was the response.

Kaoruko tried to keep her fists from clenching noticeably. She was caught off guard, but not enough to make the boy suspect anything. “But…you are Fujisaki Suguru! I’ve seen you before.” She tried to sound like a fangirl, but not so much as to scare Suguru off.

“So has the rest of Japan,” he snapped. “Do you want something?”

It was getting harder and harder for her to control her irritation. Kaoruko didn’t know much about the keyboardist of Bad Luck, aside from him being quite snippy during their interviews. Turns out he’s like this all the time. What’s up his butt? Kaoruko thought, but didn’t let her giddy fan girl aura fade. “May I sit with you? You think I know you from Bad Luck, no? I saw you when you were part of Masamune as well.”

That got the boy’s attention. He stiffened noticeably, and if he wasn’t paying attention before, he was now. “I thought our fans were only classmates and neighbors. We hardly performed out of school…and when we did…” he trailed off, not finishing his thought. “Sit down…”

Kaoruko smiled brightly and sat down across from him. “Thank you. I came to see you when you performed, but I couldn’t make that particular performance.” The smile half hurt her face, considering how little she did it. But she forced it there anyway, knowing that if she wanted to get anything from Suguru, it would have to be him telling things to a 22-year-old fangirl.

“You missed nothing,” he said quickly. And then, after a pause, “I hope you are not looking for a recollection of the concert from me.”

“Oh no, I wouldn’t dream of making you relive that horrid experience,” she said sympathetically. I’ll just look in back issues of the papers to tell me. “For what it’s worth, I thought you were quite a good band.” She would have to listen to some of his music before publishing this article. If she’d never heard of them, odds are it wasn’t that good of a band.

“Thank you…” was all he said. There was another pause before he spoke again. “I’m assuming you wish to know what happened with us after we disbanded.”

“I do, for I wish you hadn’t disbanded at all.” She raked a hand through her hair, laughing nervously. “I guess I’m just a nosy fangirl. I apologize, if you do not wish to tell me.” May as well try to milk this for all it was worth, and make her “fangirl” self seem more credible. Though Kaoruko never believed it could hurt so much to be so….happy.

“We had to disband … Masamune would have never been the same without Norihiko. Ichirio Watanbe … well he’s now the head of a rather successful restaurant, Dragon Twins. His father died and now he’s running his father’s share with his uncle. Have you heard of the restaurant?”

“I have heard of it, but I do not know where it is. Do you have the address? I’ve always wanted to go.” This really wasn’t a lie. Kaoruko had been meaning to visit the restaurant. Who’d have thought the owner was part of Masamune?

Suguru reached into his pocket and drew out a small piece of paper on which he scribbled something, which Kaoruko assumed it was the address. “Ask for Wantanbe-san directly.” Suguru handed her the paper, which confirmed her suspicions. This was the address to the Dragon Twins restaurant.

Kaoruko nodded quickly. “Thank you kindly, Fujisaki-san.” She slid the paper into her purse, taking a sip of the water that had been placed in front of them awhile ago

“His rabbit is named Yuki… imagine that…. What is your name?” Suguru asked.

A name. She hadn’t thought of that yet. “Lotus Tamiya, Fujisaki-san,” she lied quickly.

“That’s a pretty name… well I must leave, rehearsal tonight. I would allow you to come but Sakano-san and Tohma-san would have a fit. If you really wish to talk to me more here is my number and address.” He scribbled the information down a piece of napkin and handed it to her as he got up.

She took it happily and stood up as well. “Oh thank you kindly, Fujisaki-san,” she gushed. Inside she shuddered horribly. The tortures one had to go through to get information. “I enjoyed talking with you.” Not. She smiled sweetly and bowed. “Until next time, Fujisaki-san.”

“It was a pleasure, Tamiya-san” He returned the bow and left the restaurant.

Kaoruko waited, making sure Suguru was a good distance from the restaurant before leaving. As she exited, she pulled her jacket closer around her to banish the evening chill. It wasn’t until an hour later that she arrived at the Dragon Twin restaurant. She smiled and adjusted her wig before entering the restaurant.

“Welcome to the Dragon Twins’ restaurant. How may I be of service?” The waiter was dressed in a kimono a la imperial Japan. She matched the rest of the large restaurant, which was elaborately decorated.

“May I speak to Wantanbe-san please?” Kaoruko again put on that oh-so-sweet smile that was really starting to make her sick.

“Right away ma’am, follow me please.” She led her into the back of the restaurant and through some beaded curtains. “Wait here please,” she said as she opened the sliding paper doors in front of them. After 5 minutes she came back opening the doors fully revealing a rather semi-modern office. Except everything was close to the floor. “He will see you in a minute, please wait inside.”

Kaoruko nodded. “Thank you,” she said, bowing lightly and walking into the office, removing her shoes first, and knelt on one of the cushions in front of the desk.

After a few more minutes, a boy of about Fujisaki’s age and height appeared to one side. He was wearing a kimono haphazardly, revealing a bit of his semi-developed chest. His hair poured in ebony cascades around his shoulders, and his eyes were ever smiling. “How can I help you?”

“I was wondering if you could tell me what happened with Masamune.” She spoke slowly and carefully, unsure of how the boy would react to questions about his former band. She wasn’t sure what happened, but she knew it wasn’t good. Kaoruko didn’t know Ichiro’s reactions like she did Suguru’s, so this could take a little more careful weaving.

Ichiro’s face was stern and the light went out in his eyes. “Who are you?”

“My name is Lotus Tamiya. I was a fan of Masamune, and I recently spoke with Fujisaki Suguru.” Her tone was polite and friendly, hoping this would hit the spot.

“You spoke to Fuji-chan… well then… if you passed his test you must be alright. What exactly do you want to know? How we began? How we made it to the top? Or the death of our lead singer?”

There was a long pause before she spoke. Their lead singer had died? Is that why they disbanded? Kaoruko didn’t know, but she’d find out. “Your…lead-singer….died? That’s horrible.” She put on a grave face before looking up at Ichiro. “May I ask how?”

“He and Fuji-chan were electrocuted at our first concert in Hokkaido,” Ichiro said softly.

The gasp that escaped her mouth was real, though the causes of it were quite different. This was quite an unexpected turn of events. “E-electrocuted? That was…why the concert was such a failure to Fujisaki-san.” She looked down, shaking her head. “Is that why the rest of you disbanded? Because of the concert…?”

“It was Fuji-chan’s choice…Norihiko and Fuji-chan were extremely close. He helped Suguru through the stages of puberty,” Ichiro laughed. “Norihiko was a senior at the boarding school when he died. During the concert, some of our wires were crossed and… well when Norihiko pulled on the wire to get some slack for his microphone the wire caused a spark and electrocuted Norihiko. Suguru saw this and without thinking jumped in to save Norihiko and got electrocuted as well in the process. It was terrifying to see them….” At this point Ichiro stopped, bowing his head. After a pause he continued. “Suguru blames himself for the accident. He says that if he hadn’t increased the time Norihiko was electrocuted, he would have not died in the hospital…”

Something panged in her heart. Was it pity? She shrugged inwardly. Whatever it was, it was gone. Outwardly, she leaned forward and put a hand on Ichiro’s shoulder. “Wantanbe-san, I am sorry for upsetting you. I should not have asked about Norihiko’s death.” She bowed her head lightly, dropping her hand into her lap.

Ichiro stood up and bowed. “Gomen…I’m very busy…my uncle couldn’t come to work today so I must take over both our duties. If you wish to know more about Masamune, please check the old tabloids and newspapers. They have our life stories. If you need anymore recent information, please come back another day.”

She stood up and bowed as well. “Thank you for seeing me. I apologize for bothering you with this. Next time, I promise I will come and have dinner here, and not bother you with questions.” This promise she may actually follow up on. It was true, she had wanted to eat here, and it was an added bonus that Wantanbe Ichiro happened to work here.

“Arigatou, Please feel free to eat here as my guest today…” he said as he disappeared through the side doors.

Unsure of how everything would turn out, Kaoruko stood up, slipping on her shoes as she left the office. Taking up Ichiro’s offer, she ate her dinner there, contemplating everything she’d found out today. It truly would be a good article, though it seemed the electrocution was already well milked from when it happened. She’d have to think, and think hard, about how this was to be used in her article. Kaoruko’d figure it out when she had to. What was important was that she got not only Suguru’s personal address, but information about Masamune she was sure no one else had.

- put your faith in me -

[20 Sep 2003|06:58pm]

As he let out a soft sigh, Ma-kun gathered his things and headed out to his beloved blue pick-up. He had been surprised, to say the least that his boss had allowed him to start right away. When the blonde was first informed that he did get the assistant manager position, his boss had clearly stated, "You'll start first thing next week." That, however, was a bit less than true. Already his days were a bit longer, but very pleasant in Ma-kun's opinion. No more stocking the shelves, now that is a plus.

Although it was a weekday afternoon, there was only a light amount of traffic on the streets, and Ma-kun made it back to his apartment relatively quick. Originally when he got home, his plans were the usual: change into more casual clothes and just relax, maybe call Tachi or something of the like.

It wasn't going to happen that way, though.

The blonde wasn't even home for five minutes, when out of the corner of his eye he spotted a small, blinking red light. The brilliance of it seemed to make the base of his cordless phone glow. Raising a brow, Ma-kun made his way over to the phone, not bothering to take off his jacket quite yet.

Who could've called, though? He mused silently. Usually Tachi was the only one who ever called him. ...But even he never leaves messages... Swallowing down any paranoia he had, Ma-kun pressed the speaker button to listen.

Gods...no... even as the words flooded his ears, Ma-kun could barely keep himself from stumbling backwards. His face paled, skin feeiling numb. He couldn't even cry. A..an...accid..ent...? It angered and frustrated the blonde that the caller never left any specific details as to what happened. Only that it was a car accident..

Without second thoughts, Ma-kun sprinted back down to his truck and sped off to the hospital that the caller had stated he was at.


With his heart tremoring, Ma-kun went through the double glass doors, his blues searching frantically for any sign of where Tachi could be. I can't cry, I can't cry... He swallowed down the pain within his head, feeling as if his heart had leapt to his throat. Almost attempted to run through the halls, looking in the rooms for Tachi, a hand grabbed his wrist.

"Do you need any help?" It was a man, probably a doctor from the way he was dressed. He looked rather young, maybe around 18 or so.

Ma-kun swallowed again, his mouth and tongue feeling dry and sticky at the same time. Blinking, he was surprised that he wasn't even crying. Not yet... "Y..yeah.." He nodded, "I was..called by a staff member, I think. They said..they said for me to come down here?" Another gulp was taken, but the air seemed to burn his throat. "Tachi..I-I'm looking for Aizawa Tachi's room.."

The doctor smiled faintly, "You're in luck. I was just taking care of him. You're Ma-kun, aren't you?" His voice was soft, and he nodded to a door he had just come from. "They just removed him from the critical condition area. But I reassure you that he's all right. He just had some bleeding problems." He then glanced away, pushing open the door with a hand.

B..beeding problems? His skin grew cold again. Critical..condition...area..? The blonde forced back a choking, dry sob, and closed his eyes to will away his emotions at least for the time being. His heart nearly stopped, though, when the doctor had said those words. Immediately, his mind rewound to the time where he had found Tachi's leather-bound journal. The entry where Tachi had sliced up his arms was still vivid in his memory. No..No, he couldn't've possibly done that again... Nodding faintly to the doctor, Ma-kun stepped into the room.

"I'm going to warn you, though...he's not fully conscious. We put him on some medication after the car crash - and if the desk didn't tell you, he was in a bit of a pileup - he broke a few bones, but nothing else is wrong with him." He paused for a moment, glacing to the man upon the bed. "I'll leave you two alone. I need to check up on some more patients." With that, he nodded to Ma-kun, and slipped back out of the room.

"T..thank you.." His voice was raspy as he spoke again. Feeling the annoyingly familiar burn of liquid salt behind his eyes, Ma-kun did his best to swallow them back. The sight of it all..Tachi was..he was broken. Just like Ma-kun's heart was at the moment. The singer really was a wreck. He appeared to be half asleep. His hair was sprawled over the off-white pillow that was covered in that protective wax-paper stuff. Although he was covered in blankets, Ma-kun could see that he was lying on his back. His right arm was in a sling, his right leg slung up in the air and in a cast, tilted upwards near the wall.

Less than a year ago..this was me. Lying there..bruised and..broken.. The longer Ma-kun looked around the room. The more that he took in his surroundings. ...The more his memories flooded back to him when he was in the hospital. I can't be thinking about that right now. I..I can't..Tachi..he's... Swallowing, the ex-guitarist took a few more steps and kneeled next to the bed. There wasn't a chair in the room. The floor would have to suffice.

With his hand trembling, Ma-kun softly, gingerly let his fingers drift over Tachi's cheek. Finally, the tears escaped. Large, hot drops forming tiny rivers of emotion down his face.

It barely registered in his mind that Tachi had opened his eyes partly. However, when the ex-singer attempted to get up, Ma-kun almost gasped. But Tachi wasn't up for long, and soon dropped back to his previous position.

"Tachi.." Ma-kun rasped out to him. "I..It's me. I'm here.." His voice was faint, but it's not like Ma-kun had to be loud. He wan't expecting Tachi to respond, anyways. His throat was too dry for comfort, despite his flooded blues.

Ma-kun's heart almost swelled this time around, Tachi moved closer. He..felt my hand..maybe? But..it was nice.

But the time seemed to fly by. How long have I been here..? The singer had come to rest his head upon Ma-kun's shoulder, and in return, the blonde gently wrapped his arms around his love. Slowly but surely, Tachi fell asleep...


Ma-kun stayed in that embrace for as long as he could. Deep down, as much as it hurt Ma-kun to be with the singer like this, he found peace in holding Tachi. But soon enough, Ma-kun had to leave. A nurse had come by, "Sir, it's time for Aizawa-san's medication and his meal." She had said. Although Tachi was still pretty much asleep, Ma-kun nodded.

Placing a soft kiss to Tachi's unnaturally cold cheek, the blonde exited the room, and head back out to the parking lot.

The air seemed colder than usual as he got outside. Making his tear stained cheeks feel like blocks of ice. He finally made it home, though. Hopefully Tachi won't have to bear that place as long as I had to...

- put your faith in me -

a walk through the valley of death [20 Sep 2003|01:15pm]

A little boy ran through the sunshine filled streets of Kyoto, dressed in a black school uniform and tiny sneakers, blue backpack slung over his shoulders. A black, poofy bunch of hair sat upon a big, round head, and expressive brown eyes blinked through the curtain of his bangs. A black cap sat upon his head, backwards, tamping down the out of control hair. Pattering his way through the dusty streets of his neighborhood, which was basically just a few houses and businesses, he finally stopped at the door of a rather run down, wooden house, kicking his shoes off awkwardly and sliding the door open.

The breezes smelled like summer, of dry, dry dirt and warm sunshine-and within the little boy's heart, he rejoiced-because that meant that there wouldn't be too many things to do, and more time to laze about and play with his rabbits.

Bag down upon the wooden floor, he closed the door behind him and went in seach of his mother and father. His mother stood in the kitchen, washing vegetables for dinner in a tub, and his father-oh, wait...his father was at work. His mother raised brown eyes to look at the little boy, and a welcome smile appeared on her lips. She had the black hair that the child did, long, bound up into a bun, and she wore a light, pink summer kimono, always a woman of tradition. She was young-in her early twenties, and the wrinkles of age hadn't touched her face.

"Okaasan, ne!" The little boy pounced on her with dirty arms and filthy clothes, and even though it dirtied her kimono, she did not shove him away. Dropping the vegetables down into the cool water of the tub, she hugged his tiny, slim form with wet arms and hands, taking off his cap and undoing his jacket, letting him slip out of the buttoned clothes so he could be cooler.

"You're so dirty! What did you do all day?" Combing her fingers through his hair, she straightened the windblown strands away from the little boy's face. He smiled at her and didn't answer as he squirmed his arms out of his sleeves, tossing them aside. She affectionately, with a mother's love, kissed him on the nose. "Let's bathe you, Tachi...you get yourself so messy after school..."

I never thought about living much.

The classroom was empty, save for the young man standing at the front of the class. Rather short, still tender from his first outshoots of puberty, the slender teen adjusted his glasses, wincing painfully as his legs ached from growing pains. The small room was built like an auditorium, like a seashell, with padded walls so that the music composed within wouldn't disturb the outside world.

This place was like his sanctuary.

Brown eyes peered through the thick lenses of his glasses, black hair messily strewn over his eyes, overshadowing them as he read the notes on the page in front of him.

The floor was carpeted, with plastic seats stuck to the floor with bolts. Music stands sat in the corner, and a closet sat next to them, full of the instruments that could create the most glorious of sounds-if played properly, that is.

The room smelled like plastic and metal and sound. The young man picked up a piece of chalk from the board sitting in front of the class, and he began to write notes upon the green surface. Fingers coated with pale powder, he parted his lips as he concentrated, the smell of the chalk causing him to sneeze twice.

The notes walked themselves out through his mind in a symphony of sound, washing through him as he matched them to the words of a song-he could hear the flutes, the violins, and with his mind, he accompanied it with the sounds of the voices he knew could work in perfectly harmony. A faint smile appeared on his lips. He had been acclaimed as a musical genius within his school, the best-but the praise was only given to him by those who couldn't understand.

Those who could, knew that he had a gift, but had not reached the height of his potential.

He hummed softly as he worked, a soft baritone voice purring through his throat. Working like this was soothing, easy, something he was familiar with. He could forget the incessant essays, the pages of math, the science labs-and he could concentrate on one thing, creating the most appealing sound possible. And when he came out with something beautiful, he knew that he had succeeded.

Lost in his thoughts, someone watched him from the doorway of the auditorium. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin-tall, much taller than the young musician, slender, relaxed.

Aizawa Tachi. That was my name-no, that is my name. I never thought about living as much as I thought about dying. As much as I thought about the release.

The kisses upon his lips were soft, tenderly demanding, biting, gentle, passionate. Blonde hair, sweat, blue eyes, the smell of his shampoo, the scent of his skin. Wet, sweat soaked sheets and blankets tossed down on the floor. Nothing-no one-had ever mattered this much. No one could make him complete this way. No woman, no girl with perfumed skin and long hair, lips slicked with gloss and tight clothes-could make him feel as if he were tasting a bit of heaven.

Bitter. The flavor tasted like the aftertaste of a lime, sticky and acidic. A woman tasted like that.

But Ma-kun...Ma-kun tasted like honey.

And Tachi was addicted.


I'm sorry. I never...did enough...

I'm dying. I know I am. I can feel it.

I don't want to fucking die regretting this entire thing!


"Shit...he looks really bad."

"Crushed leg and arm, weak vital signs...we'd better get him to the hospital, ASAP." It hurt. His head hurt, his ribs hurt, his legs hurt, his arm hurt-breathing hurt. Wheezing in a breath, he gagged up blood and vomited. "Oh, fuck..."

"Pull him out."

"T-there's so much..."

"Shut up, rookie! He's going to die if you just stand there!" He felt someone slide his arms underneath his own with a fresh spike of pain. Metal scraped against metal as something was moved-but he couldn't open his eyes. He felt sprinkles of rain fall upon his face, washing away a thickly wet substance, as he was settled down on the asphalt.

So this is what it feels like to die.

"We're losing him! Give him more oxygen, hook him up to a machine-we're going into surgery now." Tachi began to not really feel anything at all. The pain was numbed away, gone, and he felt as if he were sinking..."...put him on some morphine, and we're going to have to put his leg back together. The shrapnel severed a major artery..."

Darkness felt nice, warm, welcoming, but he kept on jerking himself back to the voices around him, trying to feel the pain, trying to feel as if he were living...

...he knew who he was living for. He knew who he was trying to live for.

But he was going to walk away from him. Ma-kun was going to turn his back on him and walk away into the world of money and music and girls-and Tachi would become an afterthought.

I deserve it.

Even if Ma-kun decided to turn away, Tachi knew that he at least wanted to see his face again.

Now you know his stupid fucking desperation.

Even if it were on the magazines. Even if it were on the television. Even if Tachi had to be alone.

You walked away from him. If he walks away from you, all you can do is bite the fucking bullet...because how can you be so hypocritical?

Tachi understood.

Understood...everything. How could he not give something and expect it in return...?

And, as he was sucked down into the depths of a morphine-induced sleep, he wished he could burn down the walls of his self-induced prison.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight...

credit, ooc noteCollapse )

- put your faith in me -

[19 Sep 2003|01:46pm]

The last lines of a fading song echoed through the small room, and a trained ear could pinpoint the moment the soft fade was cut abrubtly, the whirring of a computer slowing, halting quickly.

Ayaka sat in front of the laptop, blinking at the blank screen for a moment. It took a lot of concentration to fully wrap her mind around the comment Seguchi-san had left her, the phone conversation with her father, her own feelings on both matters. She sighed, very softly, and stood, eyes cutting around the room in search of something...

Her nose crinkled as she flopped on the bed, very un-ladylike, reaching for the tableside drawer. Out came a thick phone book, and she dumped it on the bed with a sound of triumph. It took her no time at all to find the number she was looking for, and her fingers clutched around the phone.

She hesitated in dialing the number; there were still many factors involved. She had no idea what he could want to speak with her about, and this led to doubt, and perhaps a touch of fear.

With another sigh, she began to dial the number, holding it up as it rang. Nothing could be too bad, she knew, and she put on a bright tone as the secretary picked up the phone.

"Hai, this is Usami Ayaka...Seguchi-san left a message for me to set up an appointment with him..."

- put your faith in me -

Death and Rebirth [17 Sep 2003|03:16pm]


"But I guess...you know that the people love you if they spaz out so much afterwards.... But it makes you not take the person you hurt for granted if they still stay...ever again.

The thoughts echoed through the man's head as he quietly opened up the door to his apartment flat, wary like a student first visiting a morgue does to the smooth, apathetic door leading to a room trussed up all in white where dead bodies were kept. In a sense, he had died here.

The man had quieted down considerably as Tohma had left him at the doorstep of the apartment complex with an ungainly soft smile, something usually uncharacteristic to the blonde's sharp contours and piercing teal eyes. He was still happy to be here, of course -- god, he was so happy to be here...

Beams of coarse light shot across the room as he opened the door, and for an moment -- he could almost see his own body sprawled across the floor, eyes closed in eternal rest...but the ephemeral thought quickly passed across his eyes as a heliotrope glaze, and was replaced with the spilling happiness of the thought that this...this was home. He was home.

Ryuichi flicked on the light with a ringed finger, bypassing a blood spot upon his floor as if it weren't even there -- though it served as a bitter reminder of what once was -- and flopped into his chair where the pallid pink face of a grinning Kumagorou greeted him.

"Hiho, Kumagorou!!" he chirruped, squeezing the actual Kumagorou tight as he recalled everything happy that he could possibly think of to get his mind off of what was actually troubling him -- the still-opened pills spilled across the floor like glittering diamonds, marring the floor with their mere disgraceful appearance.

Tohma had come to pick him up, always with that smile that seemed unbecoming of him, the cute little smile that made Seguchi Tohma vulnerable and weak and beautiful all at the same time.

"Hello Ryuichi. I have a surprise for you."

He had shrieked as a small child would have, and latched himself upon the man, tears wetting the corners of his eyes. He had hugged Tohma, sniffling a little as he smiled with tears in his eyes. The comfort, the warm, fuzzy feelings he usually felt and had missed so sorely since he was in the hospital were coming back to him -- and it felt as if he'd been reborn--rose from the ashes of his own self-anguish into a licorice and candy world -- the world he wished to stay in forever...

Tohma had simply smiled -- of course, that was all the singer needed, and had spoken something -- it hadn't mattered to Ryuichi, he was so happy to see his best friend and to apologize to him about all the things he said, he did...all the terrible, terrible things... but in essence, Sakuma Ryuichi needed not to explain anything to Seguchi Tohma, because heknew.

He had asked him to promise him something.

"Can you promise me.. that if you ever, ever feel like you're going to do something that's going to harm yourself, you will talk to me first."

This was said as a statement, never as a question, for Tohma did not ask questions of people -- he -told- them what was going to happen-- but this...this was the closest to a request he'd said before -- well... before...

His knees dropped to the floor, his body out of the chair, and his eyes closed as he picked up the pills, one by one, and dropped them into the bottle.

"Ryuu, promise me."

"I...I promise..."

"There.. that wsn't so bad, was it? Ryuu, you're my friend and I care about you. The world would be lost without your presence, you know.." "........or at least.....I would...."

He picked up the pill bottle with his thumb and index finger and held it away from him as he pinched his nose closed to ward off the acrimonious stench that the pills had suddenly gained, and ran to the bathroom, where he flushed the bottle down the toilet. His sapphire eyes gazed up into the medicine cabinet as that same caustic smell bombarded his nostrils, and with a swirl of sparkling water the horrid things were cast into oblivion, as dark eyes watched them swirl down the drain.

"I promise," he echoed his thoughts to the small bathroom, his lips trembling only slightly with suppressed emotion.

"I promise, Tohma."

- put your faith in me -

Phone Message [16 Sep 2003|04:10pm]



Mr. K, it is I, Sakano, and I need you to take the Van and come to pick me up on the intersection of 2nd and Blossom Street at 1PM today. I will be dressed in blue scrubs-I can't tell you why- ::pause:: There is no time -- be there, and I will give you further instructions from that point. I must go now!


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