"But I guess...you know that the people love you if they spaz out so much afterwards.... But it makes you not take the person you hurt for granted if they still stay...ever again.
The thoughts echoed through the man's head as he quietly opened up the door to his apartment flat, wary like a student first visiting a morgue does to the smooth, apathetic door leading to a room trussed up all in white where dead bodies were kept. In a sense, he had died here.
The man had quieted down considerably as Tohma had left him at the doorstep of the apartment complex with an ungainly soft smile, something usually uncharacteristic to the blonde's sharp contours and piercing teal eyes. He was still happy to be here, of course -- god, he was so happy to be here...
Beams of coarse light shot across the room as he opened the door, and for an moment -- he could almost see his own body sprawled across the floor, eyes closed in eternal rest...but the ephemeral thought quickly passed across his eyes as a heliotrope glaze, and was replaced with the spilling happiness of the thought that this...this was home. He was home.
Ryuichi flicked on the light with a ringed finger, bypassing a blood spot upon his floor as if it weren't even there -- though it served as a bitter reminder of what once was -- and flopped into his chair where the pallid pink face of a grinning Kumagorou greeted him.
"Hiho, Kumagorou!!" he chirruped, squeezing the actual Kumagorou tight as he recalled everything happy that he could possibly think of to get his mind off of what was actually troubling him -- the still-opened pills spilled across the floor like glittering diamonds, marring the floor with their mere disgraceful appearance.
Tohma had come to pick him up, always with that smile that seemed unbecoming of him, the cute little smile that made Seguchi Tohma vulnerable and weak and beautiful all at the same time.
"Hello Ryuichi. I have a surprise for you."
He had shrieked as a small child would have, and latched himself upon the man, tears wetting the corners of his eyes. He had hugged Tohma, sniffling a little as he smiled with tears in his eyes. The comfort, the warm, fuzzy feelings he usually felt and had missed so sorely since he was in the hospital were coming back to him -- and it felt as if he'd been reborn--rose from the ashes of his own self-anguish into a licorice and candy world -- the world he wished to stay in forever...
Tohma had simply smiled -- of course, that was all the singer needed, and had spoken something -- it hadn't mattered to Ryuichi, he was so happy to see his best friend and to apologize to him about all the things he said, he did...all the terrible, terrible things... but in essence, Sakuma Ryuichi needed not to explain anything to Seguchi Tohma, because heknew.
He had asked him to promise him something.
"Can you promise me.. that if you ever, ever feel like you're going to do something that's going to harm yourself, you will talk to me first."
This was said as a statement, never as a question, for Tohma did not ask questions of people -- he -told- them what was going to happen-- but this...this was the closest to a request he'd said before -- well... before...His knees dropped to the floor, his body out of the chair, and his eyes closed as he picked up the pills, one by one, and dropped them into the bottle.
"Ryuu, promise me."
"There.. that wsn't so bad, was it? Ryuu, you're my friend and I care about you. The world would be lost without your presence, you know.." "........or at least.....I would...."
He picked up the pill bottle with his thumb and index finger and held it away from him as he pinched his nose closed to ward off the acrimonious stench that the pills had suddenly gained, and ran to the bathroom, where he flushed the bottle down the toilet. His sapphire eyes gazed up into the medicine cabinet as that same caustic smell bombarded his nostrils, and with a swirl of sparkling water the horrid things were cast into oblivion, as dark eyes watched them swirl down the drain.
"I promise," he echoed his thoughts to the small bathroom, his lips trembling only slightly with suppressed emotion.
"I promise, Tohma."